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 Idk what to feel…

As I stared at Mercy, I couldn’t control the influx of negative emotions that surged through me. For the first time in my entire twenty two years of existence, I felt like inflicting serious pain on someone.

“Look Sarah, I know you’re mad at me right now and I understand how you feel but you sef try to understand where I’m coming from. I didn’t know you guys were still together I swear. Just calm down and let’s talk this shit out. I feel like you’re overreacting. It’s just a minor misunderstanding.” She said as she stretched out her hand to pat me. Internally, I was boiling with so much rage that if anyone would make the silly mistake of coming close to me, they would burn under the intensity of the heat emanating from me but externally, my face was a picture of calculated calmness.

“Understand where you’re coming from? You feel like I’m overreacting? A minor misunderstanding?” I scoffed at her. At that moment I prayed to every God that existed for patience. “What do you mean you didn’t know we were still together? Did that give you the right to sleep with him? Does girl code not exist to you?” It was really taking me so much self control not to yell at her and cause a big scene.

“Common now Sarah, let’s not be unreasonable here. If there’s anyone that should be angry here, it should be me. Mind you that I was the one that introduced Victor to you. He was my friend first before he was ever your boyfriend and you knew i liked him then. I just stepped back because I loved you more and I respected your feelings. You guys are over now and I saw this as my opportunity. I’m sorry for hurting you Say-Say but I’m not sorry for what happened between Victor and I.” She stated unapologetically. I stared at her dumbfounded wondering what went wrong in our relationship. I couldn’t believe the words coming out of Mercy’s mouth. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever seen this coming. I didn’t even know if I should pity her or strangle her.

“See Mercy, I don’t know what Victor told you or the delusions you’re nursing about what happened between both of you but I don’t think  it’s what you think it is. Victor proposed to me on Saturday and for the life of me, I don’t understand how after asking me to marry him last weekend he jumped into bed with you.” The rage in me was ready to explode and cause destruction in its wake. I need to hit something or specifically, someone and the girl in front of me seemed like a likely target. 

“Victor proposed to you?!” Mercy exclaimed. I nodded my head. “I don’t understand. He told me that nothing is going on between you two anymore. That he loves me!!” She was being hysterical and a smudge of pity shone amidst my anger and I had the strongest urge to console her despite my own pain and anger. I might have felt betrayed by her actions but Mercy was the only family I had left and it seemed that she was just a pawn in whatever game Victor was playing. I tried to reach out to her but she pushed my hand away. She looked up at me with angry tears in her eyes like I was the one that betrayed her.

“You don’t get it Say-Say,” she started, “I’m pregnant.” She whispered. Shock coursed through me at her statement. “And I have no doubt that Victor is the father of my unborn baby.”

We stared down at each other and it’s then, at that moment, that I realized nothing in this world could ever fix the relationship between my sister and I…