It hurts sometimes….

 It hurts sometimes…

I know it hurts when you remember it… how you felt helpless in that situation… how you knew that no one was coming to save you… how you realized that you got yourself into that mess and how you were certain that you were going to face the consequences alone…

The nightmares you have… the sleepless nights… the unnecessary but justified hatred for men… the way your smile dims when no one is looking… and the way your mind drifts off to the safest place you know… I know all about it… I know that it hurts to breathe sometimes…

He was charming… beautiful even… he made you trust him… made you let your guard down… made you love him… but you hadn’t realized then that sometimes evil people have the prettiest faces… 

You remember it clearly… the events that unfolded… you remember it just like it was yesterday and you wish sometimes you would just hit your head and forget about it… it plays in your mind like a well scripted movie, you, the unsuspecting naive victim and him, the conniving predator hungry for his next meal…

You remember how he gassed you up with sweet nothings… made you believe that he was your safe place… held you like you were his everything when in reality you were nothing to him. You didn’t know the extent of his hatred for you… could have never imagined it until you woke up the next day with no clear recollection of the events that happened… just scary loopholes in your memory… 

You couldn’t believe it… refused to believe it… thought you were going crazy and your mind playing tricks with you. You confronted him… you wanted him to assure you that it was all in your head… that what was playing in your mind was just a cruel joke.

When you confided in him… he just laughed in your face. He laughed and he laughed and he laughed… and that wasn’t even the worst of it all, his friends joined in and laughed with him. They laughed at your stupidity, they laughed at your naivety and they laughed at your vulnerability…

I know the laughter plays in your head constantly like a broken record and I know that even now when it’s all in the past that it still hurts sometimes… and even in the future… it will still hurt sometimes…