Be Calm…

"𝕿𝖋 𝕴 𝖙𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖔𝖜 𝕴 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑, 𝖜𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖉 𝖜𝖊 𝖋𝖚𝖈𝖐 𝖙𝖔𝖔?"

“ CYNTHIA tell me you love me.” My best friend, Chisom tells me while pointing her phone camera to me. She does this a lot; makes videos of random moments between us and mesh them into aesthetically beautiful videos. Although I’m camera shy, I indulge her most times because it makes her happy.

“Mmmmm”, I mutter distractedly without looking up from my phone. My whole attention is on a funny video I'm watching on instagram. We're in a cab heading home from a mutual friend's birthday    party on the beach.

“Tell me you love me nau”, she whines. I finally look up at her and smile at the camera like I know she’d want me to.

“You know I do babe.” I reply sweetly because I do, more than she could ever imagine, more than she could ever comprehend.

“Then say it na. Say ‘Chisom I love you soooo much and I can’t live without you’.” I laugh cause she’s so dramatic. She urges me on with her hand.

“If I tell you how I feel would we fuck too?” I half jokingly ask waiting for her to laugh it off.

“Eeeww. You know I’m not into girls, I love men baby.” She laughs. My smile falters and my heart breaks a little. I know it’s just a playful banter but I can’t deny that it hurts. It hurts that Chisom would never look at me the way I look at her; would never understand that the love I feel for her is more than platonic love and sisterly bond; that she lights up my life with her smile or she calms my dark soul with her crushing hugs and cuddles and how I’m dying to know what kissing her would feel like. She would never understand but I’m fine with that as long as she would be by my side till whenever. 

         

      Chisom notices my mood change and the air is thick with awkwardness.

“But you love me, don’t you?” She asks hesitantly like she’s scared of my answer.

“Of course I do babe, I’ll always love you.” I reply. She smiles and hugs me and I’m okay for now.